his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
