if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
