I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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