Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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