I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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