sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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