then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
