Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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