drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
