3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
