he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
