Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
