We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
