I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize