he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize