Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
