dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
