I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
