During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
