I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
