We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
