Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
