nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
