Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
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So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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