And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
