I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
