My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
