the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
