After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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