Did you just see the Batmobile???
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
