Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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