would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
