I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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