god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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