I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
