i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
