DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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