I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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