I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
