We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
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There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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