You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
