i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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