You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
