Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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