I have demons in me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My feet surprised me
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