hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
