Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
