i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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