Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
