i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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