Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
