apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Semen is not good for contacts.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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