Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
