Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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