sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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