Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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