I'm jealous of your bromance
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
