I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
