she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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