If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
smell my finger.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
