If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
