Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
