maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
