he wants to bone in the snuggie
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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