At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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