i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we made out on top of his cat.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
