Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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