You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
