mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
