He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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