what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So much Jack, so little girl.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
