i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
