I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
