Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
