If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
