Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
