rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
this just has baby written all over it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
