there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
