I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
